


crash and burn.

by joyfuls



Category: DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 15:11:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18802846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyfuls/pseuds/joyfuls
Summary: his feelings were unconventional and unanswered. yet, he remained undeterred.onesided!jason todd/reader with final!dick grayson/reader





	1. crush.

There was something to be said about a puppy crush when it came to Jason Peter Todd, age fifteen and sometimes too unruly for his own good. It was not something he hid well, not when his father noticed it and gave him a questioning look but decided to say nothing on the matter. 

No one would come to Bruce for advice about romance after they spent a good three months around the man. 

Alfred saw his growing feelings first, as he would with the changes of everyone in the house. However, he decided to keep silent about the topic until one occasion when Jason was acting under the weather because of his growing feelings. His passing comment about the infatuation was the indicator of his knowledge of it. It caught Jason off-guard but made him more grateful for the subtle guidance.

Dick was the last one to see it, mostly because of his absence from the house. Has he been around more often, Jason reckoned he would be the first to see with their close associations. 

Especially since it was through Dick that he got the chance to meet you, the one that made his heart raced miles a minute. Jason was quietly appreciative of the chance brought to him by his adoptive brother. 

He just didn’t think the person who opened his path was also the blockage that stopped him from advancing further.

And it would take him a long time until he saw the truth, in the cruellest manner possible for a wide-eyed teenager with a blooming crush. 

The night when he was exposed to the truth was the rare occasion when Bruce allowed Jason to go on patrol without his supervision. Not that he listened to him before that, and later on he would learn that being rebellious to their charge wasn’t exclusively a Robin thing but a common ‘sidekick’ trait.

Sometimes it was a good thing, sometimes it was a bad thing. In this case, however, it wasn’t a necessary rebellion when you were accompanying him for the night. That was one of the major reasons why Bruce decided he didn’t need to breathe down Jason’s neck and stayed home to analyze a case he was working on instead. 

Batman never took breaks, although it was another story for Robin.

While Bruce firmly reminded him to call for backup the moment something serious turned up, things were in his favour with the relative quietness of the night. And by the time the two of you returned to the Batcave, the fatigue sinking in his bones was from staying past his bedtime instead of the laborious activity of fighting. 

It was a pity, Jason thought, he wanted a chance to impress you with his improving martial art skills. But he supposed there was always the next time, and the next, and the next. As long as you come around, he guessed.

“Quiet night?” asked Bruce when the two of you stepped on the platform in the middle of the Batcave. Jason’s incessant chatting died down the same time as you went silent. Without missing a beat, he turned to flash a smile at his father, who was standing at the top of the stairs with shadow casting over his face. Ominous imagery in comparison to Jason’s upbeat one.

“Sure was,” said Jason. “aside from a few thefts, the biggest thing of the night was busting a smuggling operation.” 

If it was earlier in his budding crimefighting career, Jason would’ve been spooked out by the sudden appearance of Bruce. By now, however, it was an often enough occurrence that he even picked up Batman’s signature silent disappearance for himself.   

Bruce’s sharp eyebrow rose with suspicion. “And you dealt with it without a problem?”

While the questioning look from the older man made you unease, something Jason noticed off the bat without the chance to comment on it, it was another story for him. Another chance to prove he was capable. “You got it. Well, she helped a bit.”

Jason nudged you by the elbow, shooting you a cheeky grin that made you mirror it and bump him back. “Did you forget I saved your ass at least twice?”

“And I saved yours  _thrice_. I think you owe me one.”

“Right, keep telling yourself that.” You rolled your eyes but from the smile on your face, he assumed you had as much fun as he did.

Jason’d have a chance to make a witty comeback had it not for the interruption of Bruce’s awkward cough. 

“Well, you should go to bed. You have school tomorrow.” The statement was aimed at Jason, eliciting a groan from him. However, he didn’t have the chance to wallow in his own self-pity before Bruce continued. “Oh, and, Dick called in earlier, he said he’d be home in the morning. You’re welcome to stay the night if you want.”

The latter was aimed at you, in fact, it was the entire reason you were here today. Jason couldn’t help but feeling a pointed sting on his heart when Bruce reminded him of that. It would’ve been great to continue living in the grandeur that you came by to visit him but he also knew he had to wake up eventually.

You blinked at the offer, but then flashed a smile back at him. “Sure, that’d be great. Thanks, Br… Batman.”

There was a hint of a smile at the corner of Bruce’s lips, Jason noticed it right before it disappeared. “Truly, it’s no problem.” And with that, he vanished back to the mansion as Jason pulled your attention back to him.

“I really enjoy hanging out with you,” Jason said as sparks gleamed in his eyes. Nothing but pure, unadulterated admiration. He bounced on the back of his heels, wanting to ask you to go out with him but the words were stuck at the back of his throat.

You stared at him, the smile remained on your face and it gave him some delusional hope that you returned some of his higher affection. The second afterwards, you breathed out a hustled chuckle, good-natured, then reached out to ruffle his hair. “Me too, kid.”

The obvious ‘ _kid_ ’ pushed him back by several steps in his mental progression of your relationships. Yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to drop out of this, not when he was so close to combust with his feelings to you.

“So, I was wondering…” At last, he found his courage, and it only took months after he met you and hours after your outing together. “…if you…”

But he never got the chance to finish his question, he would always wonder later on what would happen if he did. 

“Hey,” once again, the two of you were interrupted by a male’s voice. “I see the two of you are getting along well.”

This one was much younger and more cheerful than the previous one, however. And with it was the confident grin and laidback posture of everyone’s favourite vigilante, Nightwing. 

You reacted first, the surprise on your face turned into a bright grin as you realised who was the person who interrupted the two of you. “Dick! I thought you wouldn’t be home until tomorrow?”

“I wanted to surprise you, turning the table since you decided to make an impromptu visit today,” Dick explained. “And for your record, it’s technically morning already. 2 am in the morning.” 

Jason watched with needles sinking into his heart as you left his side and went running into Dick’s arms with so much prep in your step, he wouldn’t have thought you spent most of the night doing patrols with him. 

It was clear as day the moment Dick pulled you into an embrace and you returned it in full, the truth Jason spent this whole time ignoring because of his own growing crush. There was an uncomfortable feeling brewing at the bottom of his stomach as he watched the two of you caught up and forgot about his existence in the room. 

Something he didn’t show on his face. At least, not long enough for either you or Dick to notice.

At one point, your conversation with Dick redirected to him, but when you called for his name, there was nothing but darkness answered. By the time you turned back to call him to join you, Jason has long slinked back to his room with a heavier heart than before and feelings left unspoken. 

And he was right to leave it unsaid, because not long afterwards, one of his worst fears was confirmed to be true. It was fortunate that he didn’t live to see it happening.


	2. break.

Gotham was quiet. It always became quieter after chaos broke out in the street and put people’s lives into disarray. Like the citizens here, you prefer the relative peace — when the process of recovery put everyone into a comforting silence without the urge to stir up any troubles.

Although at the back of your mind, you always knew the inactivity in the city always spelt the calm before the storm, you couldn’t help but enjoy it for the rare chances that it came around.

Especially when in recent days, Bruce had been elbows deep in works with the appearance of a new addition in his rogue gallery. Red Hood was the name coined for this new criminal, he even went at length to drag more than Batman into the fray. From studying his files, you learned much about him that brought you the discomfort that later was confirmed to be justified.

The name that haunted much of your dreams now had become a living nightmare. But you didn’t have time to dwell in bad dreams when the nice ones were right in front of you.

Even with the calmness in the city, its vigilantes had to remain vigilant as one of its many protectors. At this point, you reckoned not being able to go out at night made them antsy from the restlessness. Which explained your premature separation from your partner, something the two of you were reluctant to do.

“I need to go now but I’ll be back as soon as we dealt with Penguin.” Dick wrapped his fingers around yours, bringing your gloved hand up to the soft of his lips. With the comforting smile on your face, some of the tension on his facial features loosened as he allowed your hand to slip from his.

“Be safe, all right.” Your reminder came firm, however, your concern was met with his charming smile.

“You know I always am,” Dick winked. “Shame that you can’t join me.”

“Some of us actually care about our day job,” you pulled your arms back to cross them in front of your chest, “and you have Tim to keep you company.”

“Yes, but it’s always better with the love of my life.”

You laughed at that, albeit a bit awkwardly. It had been approximately three weeks since Dick has said the word to you, and he hadn’t shied from saying it again one bit. If you kept track, then there had been at least twelve occurrences where he said it again after that.

Not once did you say it back, and it was fine and good with him. He even went out and said he was okay with waiting, but it didn’t make the anxiety and guilt inside your stomach disappear.

For you, it was never about the absolution of your feelings but the readiness of your heart, he knew it too. And with the reappearance of your haunting past, there was one thing you needed to do to find your own peace and move on. So, you always did what you did best, deflect.

“I guess you’ll have to make do then.” You snarked, earning you a mock gasp from him. If only you were doing this to criminal’s bullets instead of his earnest affection for you.

“Ouch, go on ahead and crush my heart, would you?” Dick’s light laughter made it known for you that he wasn’t offended, not that it made you feel any better.

“Gods, you cheeseball, just go!” You echoed his laughter, pushing him gently after he pulled you in for a kiss on the forehead.

“See you tonight, sweetheart.” With a final charming wink, Dick leapt from the rooftop the two of you were standing on and made his disappearance.

It was you and your comfortable silence again, alone with your thought while basking in the cool night air before you had to return to your everyday life.

A good vigilante knew it was not a good idea to be anything but on guard while you were in the dark of Gotham’s night. Yet, there you were, making bad decisions left and right. Carelessness was born of skill, confidence, and nonchalance. You knew one day it would come back to bite you, you just didn’t expect it to be this soon.

“Should I be surprised you are with him?”

You didn’t react, not at first.

The question was neither yours or Dick’s. It was an unfamiliar voice, yet so close to the heart at the same time. It was older, more fatigued than ever, you wondered how many days did he go without sleep. Although, you reckoned this was not a good time to ask.

There was a disquiet atmosphere following afterwards, mostly due to your unwillingness to let your peace disperse. But you knew you had to answer if you wanted him to stay. “He told me you were alive the other day.”

He hummed, almost an instinctual response for when he heard how you avoided using the other’s name like he did. The silent pact from your younger days didn’t make this awkwardness easier. “Of course he did, he told you everything.”

“Not everything,” you said. “I found out about the rest on my own. I figured he thought I’d be heartbroken to hear about what happened since we were close.”

Close was the only explanation for the uncanny valley the two of you were in. You knew of his unrequited crush on you back then, something you didn’t return for many reasons, some worse than the others.

And like every other people who spent too much time in Gotham, you thought ignoring the problem would make it go away.

It did, not in the way you wanted, and came back haunting you at the most inopportune time. Then again, there was never a good time.

You turned to face him, only to realize he was hiding in the shadows behind you. It explained why Dick didn’t see him earlier when he was here, yet he had revealed enough for you to see everything except the most of his face. But you could see his eyes, boring into your soul with the intensity of the sun.

He was taller than you remembered, leaning with crossed arms against the wall with a devil-may-care attitude you knew he would develop sooner or later. Then again, growth spurt ought to happen sometimes after he turned fifteen. Sadness sunk down on your features when you realized then you were never there to witness any of it.

“Disappointed with what you see?”

“No,” you were quiet then, “I need to have expectations to be disappointed.”

His eyebrows draw together, the ire in his words was sparkling through the dark. “So I wasn’t even worthy of your expectations?”

“Stop twisting my words.” you mirrored his frown.

“You are making it hard not to.”

“I never expected anything from you because I was always content with who you are. You know I cared about you, I would’ve been happy with whoever you decided to become.” There was a pause then, one for when you breathed out a restrained sigh at the frustration brewing inside.

“…Even this?” His whisper was hoarse. You couldn’t see much of his pain with the darkness obscuring his face, but the hurt in his voice was unmistakable to any working ears.

“…I trust you to make the decision best for you, even if I don’t understand it. Maybe one day, I will.” Your volume balanced with his, however, there was a shakiness in your voice that was hidden under the quietness of your tone.

“Why?”

“Why?” You echoed.

“Why do you always go around and say things like that without thinking about the effect it has on others? About how it made people fall in love with you… how it made me fall in love with you.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from wincing, not expecting this would be what he would bring up when the two of you finally reunited. Then again, it was a long time coming for the elephant in the room between the two of you.

Before, you always hoped he wouldn’t say anything about it to avoid the awkwardness it would entail. This would further wreck you with guilt when news of his untimely demise came. And when doubled with the pain of loss, it was needless to say misery was the only feeling you could experience for months.

He wasn’t there to witness it, but you doubted your pain would bring him any comfort about his unrequited feeling. Not to mention it made you lean further on Dick’s shoulder, and eventually, slipped into his arms.

The day he confessed was the happiest you had felt in years and you knew then you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Not even with the inevitable confrontation of Jason’s return.

So you did what was best for you, and what was best for him to avoid further pain for either of you: nipping his feeling in the bud, something you didn’t have the gut to do the last time.

“You know why,” you trailed off, finding it hard to muster up the courage. “We were friends.”

You looked away to avoid seeing the pieces of his heart crumbled into pieces of broken glass in front of you. Because you knew if you allowed yourself to see, you’d falter in front of him. That was the last thing either of you needed.

Friends. Were friends. If you knew him, he’d be chewing the words back and forth in his mind despite how it hurt worse each time he does it.

It was the past, and it would be the future, you hoped. Even with the changes happened to him, at heart, Jason was someone full of soft feelings for people he cares about even with all of his surfacing anger. What he needed was time to heal, and you will give him that.

What you didn’t know was that you had nearly broken his heart before, once, with three simple words as well. Now was the dealing blow.

You thought the silence would go on forever, never did you feel it was this uncomfortable until you came to face him right now. When he finally broke it, there was no comfort to be found. “And the two of you weren’t?”

“It was different.” You answered without missing a beat. Truly, there was no other explanation. Your emotion was always a form of turbulence you couldn’t explain. Maybe it was the time and places, maybe it was a matter of luck, maybe in another life. Too many maybes for any certainty and it led you to hesitation.

That was how you crushed him the last time, too. Not that you would remember.

Jason sighed, that was all he could be able to do with the situation unfolding between the two of you. If anything, neither of you were at fault, not for having feelings or for avoiding it.

You were scared of losing his friendship, to the point where you neglected to think about what would happen if you dragged him on. His only crimes were falling head first into something with no hope of returning and the pessimism coming with rejection.

“Back then, I never got why your eyes were always stuck on him in spite of how hard I tried. Took me a long time to understand the answer was always pretty clear.”

“Jay…”

He faltered, you didn’t know why until you realized: it was the first time you called his name. The first time he felt real to you ever since he came back. But he didn’t leave you with any chance to dwell on it for long, not when his wounds were bleeding all over the places.

“No, stop.” He sighed again, this time wearier the first. “If I had known nothing would have changed when I came back to life, then I would have stayed dead. Joker is still alive, Batman still refuses to kill, there is still a Robin, and you’re…still you. But I guess it doesn’t matter now.”

He pushed himself up from where he was standing, from his motion, you could see him trying to leave. And you’d say anything needed to keep him staying further.

“Then you know I still care about you.” At least that wasn’t a lie. And it kept him, frozen in his place for a split second before what he uttered out was a burst of bitter laughter.

“But you love him.”

That put a frown on your face, you weighed your option about whether if you should tell him the truth about your own hesitation. But in the end, you kept your silence in fear it would feed him false hope. “That doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“Yeah, I know… doesn’t get better than that.” He nodded, sighing and wiping his face. He turned his back to you and stepped towards the other end of the roof.

“I should go before my tendency to be stupid around you got the better of me. I already dug my grave once, wouldn’t want to do it twice.”

Despite the humour in his words, you couldn’t help but feeling like you have torn open several of his old injuries. You knew you should leave him be, let him heal again until the two of you were ready for a serious talk where neither of you was yearning to escape. Yet, you couldn’t help the selfishness inside you from asking. “Will I see you again?”

There was a pause in his step right before he leapt from the roof. It was the first you had seen his face since everything happened. At first look, he had aged up through the years but he retained much of his younger features. Ones so close to your heart that you were grateful he kept himself from you the whole time.

The only obvious change was the weariness that darkened his eyes, yet what he showed you was a smile not too different from the boyish ones you were always familiar with. It was devoid of any of the previous pain he was showing to you but it gutted you no different.

“You know you will.”

And with that, you were left alone once again. This time, the heavier silence made it impossible for you to find peace in it. Then again, it never lingered in Gotham for long. You figured Dick would want to hear the news, especially with how it brought up the question about your feelings for him. He would be elated, and worried, but that would be the concern for future you.

Now, you simply wanted to stay in this quietness, for however long you could.


End file.
